Motherhood: Lessons in Detachment

Motherhood is such a beautiful and sanctifying journey. In the joys and sorrows it brings, one is challenged to grow not only as a person, but in their spiritual life as well.

One of the many lessons I have learned (and will continue to learn more deeply as the years of motherhood unfold) is detachment - detachment from seasons of time, detachment from material things, and most importantly, detachment from self.

Having a growing little one makes the passing time all the more tangible. To stand and watch your little one grow, helpless to control the all too rapid passage of time can be difficult…even causing heartache at times. All you can do is soak in the present moment. Clinging to the passing time is as useless as grasping a fistful of sand, which quickly slips through your fingers. 

And so I stand, with hands open to receive the gift of the present moment, relishing it yet detached, knowing it is mine only for the moment, and not to have permanently…

Something that may seem silly but brings one all too forcefully to detachment is the wistful nostalgia that sorting through clothing size shifts brings. While there’s excitement for the cute clothing awaiting the little one in the next size, there’s all the memories and the “littleness” linked to the clothing that is folded for the last time before being enclosed in bins to await the next child. Certainly one of my least favorite tasks, as it can be emotionally quite difficult for me.

And yet, I hear detachment whispering to my heart again. Detachment from the clothes…detachment from the chapter that clothes was used in, unclenching my hands that are trying to hold back time. Instead, gratitude. Instead, embracing the present moment and the gift that it is…

Lastly and yet most importantly, motherhood gives one no choice but to detach from self. As any mother knows, with the arrival of a little one, there is far less room for “my” time, “my” sleep, “my” plans…it all goes out the window when the baby’s needs are pressing on us.

I am grateful that after a childhood spent with four younger siblings (a situation that doesn’t foster selfish habits haha!), I was a volunteer in a convent for a year, and then in the Carmelite monastery for a year…not much time to build a self centered lifestyle! 

And yet motherhood has still made me find the areas where I struggle more to give up of myself…especially the quiet time to engage uninterrupted in hobbies, reading, or just have a plain old face plant on the bed for a breather in the midst of a rough day! 

In these moments, I am again asked to stand with the open surrendered hands of a willing “fiat,” detached from myself rather than clinging to my wishes and plans for my time.

Motherhood can stretch one in so many ways, teach one so many virtues…a year and half in, I can say I’ve already learned so much, and yet know that I’ve barely begun the journey through all I will learn. Detachment is just one of them.