Modesty is a topic around which many disagreements occur, even within a group of people who all believe it is important. What determines what is modest? Is it objective or subjective? Are we even responsible for being modest, or is it all on men to control themselves? I'd like to touch on these questions, as well as share my standards for my own clothing.
The biggest question that I kept returning to in my high school years was whether modesty was an objective or a subjective matter; that is to say, whether it is a norm outside of ourselves, or one that we determine individually. On the one hand, I wanted to believe that it was objective altogether and that there was a line no one should ever cross with clothing, but on the other hand, history shows that it is most certainly subjective, as what would have been unthinkable 200 years ago is seen as quite modest nowadays. (I remember laughing when I read that Laura Ingalls Wilder's neighbors raised their eyebrows at her daughter Rose's "short" skirts - that is to say, ankle length skirts!)
After much thought, I finally reached a conclusion: within the span of a broad historical setting, modesty is subjective in each era to society's view of propriety. But, within any set period of time, there is an objective standard of modesty, which has lines which cannot be crossed without sin.
Now some women with whom I have discussed modesty, all of them Catholic, have defended their greater liberality of exposure in their dress by saying that they should not have to cover themselves simply because men cannot control their minds and desires. This could not be further from the truth! The Bible itself refutes this view. Jesus said, “Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung round his neck and he were thrown into the sea." (Mark 9:42) I hardly believe Jesus was referring solely to literal children; this was a reference at large to all the children of God. Then St. Paul says, "It is right not to do anything that makes your brother stumble." (Romans 14:21)
And do not get me wrong - I am not putting all the blame on the woman. I completely agree that men should control their eyes, their thoughts, and their desires. However, arousing such thoughts
and desires in them in the first place is on the woman, and far be it from a good Catholic woman to be the cause of such a battle in another's soul! It is wrong to put it on the man to be strong and resist the temptation and occasion of sin that you present by your own immodesty. He may have the purest of hearts, yet a revealing outfit may cause thoughts that he wishes for no more than you would wish them to be thought of you, that he then has to promptly overcome to avoid sin.
Now, to put all this into the context of what my own wardrobe looks like, and what lines I draw for the practice of modesty, here are some simple rules I follow. (Disclaimer: I do not wish to imply that this is the perfect measure of modesty, nor that it is the only way to be truly modest. This is just where my own convictions have lead me, and how I choose to cover myself.)
* Skirts and dresses: No shorter than at the knee (preferably fully covering the knee). No slits in them. Nothing form fitting.
* Shirts: Neckline no lower than a finger width below the collar bone, and none that hang when I lean down. Shoulders covered. No cropped shirts, see through material, tight fit in the chest area, spaghetti straps or shirts that make undergarments discernable.
* Pants: Nothing form fitting or tight, especially in the seat area. No leggings or yoga pants ever.
While I do believe everything within the above parameters to be modest, these days have found in me in dresses as long as I can find them for the most part. In past years, I preferred knee length to mid-calf length skirts and dresses, but the pull I have had in the last year towards ankle length dresses has been so strong and I am just in love with the quietness of a long plain dress.
As far as pants, I am not one who believes it is a sin to wear them - provided that the ones selected are not tight and revealing (for me, this usually means sizing up, as the usual intentions for women's jeans are that they be very form fitting). And actually, on the few occasions I do wear pants, I nearly always pair them with a long shirt or sweater for more coverage.
What are your thoughts on modesty? Comment below how you put it into practice for yourself!
Edited by A.R. Staggenborg
This article was exactly what I needed. Thanks for breaking it down so well!
Plain Valvet
Yes! I have been doing this off and on for years. However, for about a year I have been trying only to wear skirts and dress modestly. Thank you for this post
I’ve notice the closer I grow toward God the more I want to cover. I am a fairly new convert, I felt God calling me to veil before I was even converted. My dresses are pretty much all ankle or just above now where before it was to the knee because I’m short. And I actually noticed really recently I’ve a desire to cover my head even outside mass, but this I’m still discerning and not sure how to incorporate. I’ve struggled opposite of your situation I am on the path for vocation of married life, but there’s a tug to enter religious life. Maybe it’s because I have been an ER nurse so long and seen so much deat…
I agree with so much in this post!!! It's true, we ladies are not responsible for the choices of others, but we are responsible for the temptations we provide others. Modesty is very personal though. Unless one has experienced both extremes of public nudity and fully covered modesty with full awareness, one cannot truly know the true impact of their choices on their person as well as others.
Personally, I'm no longer showing collarbone or ankle, which is rather covered up, but the way other people treat me has never been more sweet and gentle, which is my preference.