In this month of May, which is dedicated by Catholics to Our Lady, I was thinking about my own journey in my relationship with Mary.
As a cradle Catholic, Mary has been prominent in my spiritual formation since my childhood. My mom named our homeschool 'Children of Mary Academy;' one of the earliest spiritual reading books she did with us children for our religion class was a book called 'Leading the Little Ones to Mary;' I have early memories of May crownings; I was installed in the Brown Scapular at my First Communion; we prayed the family Rosary; the list goes on.
My mother especially is very devoted to Mary. She loves praying the Rosary, and she turns to Mary often in big and little needs. For me however, although I understood the role and importance of Mary as the Mother of God, and did love and respect her (the thought of anyone speaking disrespectfully of her made my jaw clench and my fists tighten haha), I never felt close to her in a personal way. She was so sinless, so perfect, her statue standing on its pedestal, regal and set apart by God from her conception. I knew she loved us and watched over us, but at the same time, she didn't feel close and relatable.
Sometime in my high school years, I picked up Louis De Monfort's 'True Devotion to Mary.' There were many beautiful passages in there, but at the same time I struggled so much with his theme of approaching Jesus through Mary. Perhaps I struggled extra with this because I was moving towards religious life at the time, and saw Jesus as my Beloved Spouse, and not the intimidating, barely approachable Majesty, best approached through the intermediary of His Mother, as Louis de Monfort portrayed. I wrestled with what role Our Lady was to have in my spiritual life, as I truly did desire to have a personal devotion to her.
Then I saw the movie 'Mary of Nazareth.' (HIGHLY recommend watching it if you haven't - it's so beautifully done!!) When I saw that movie, I saw a woman I could relate to, that I could imitate, that understood me. I saw Mary exactly as the movie titled her: Mary of Nazareth. Mary the simple, prayerful, seemingly ordinary woman, who spent her life caring for her husband and son, and those around her. A woman with joys and sorrows, laundry and gardening and cooking. Someone I could be like.
After that, I began to have a real devotion to Mary, as the humble young woman of Nazareth, and felt a deep desire to be like her, now that her life felt so much more tangible for imitation than a pious list of "she excelled perfectly in every virtue, so we should be like her." And my love for her grew much more intimate - rather than a statue on a pedestal, she was a real, live person to me, and my love for her consequently deepened. My mediations on her grew more profound. I wanted to be like her, I wanted to be at her side like Magdalene, I wanted to radiate gentle quietness like she did...
Fast forward a few years and I'm in the Carmelite monastery. The Sister in charge of those of us still in formation gave me a book to read called 'A Woman Wrapped in Silence' by John W. Lynch. This beautiful book about Mary presents her as both perfectly holy, and yet still fully human. Reading it lifted my soul and filled me with a sense of quietness and peace. It reinforced my whole relationship with Mary as the woman of Nazareth. This excerpt is one of my favorites to this point:
But when across the years we see her...
Our generation finds it hard to think
Of her as one with us...
And yet, the gifts that were
To weigh her heart will find already there
Bewilderment, and seated fears, and sight
That moved no farther than her vision ran,
And God gave her to see. Not true to think
Her tears were not as salt as tears may be,
And not as real. It is not true to say
Her sweetness made a cushion for the blows
That fell on her, and left her warmed and snug
Against the starkness of the staring night.
This voice could laugh, and sob, and sing, and cry:
This was a woolen garment that she wore
About her tired shoulders, and the hands
That brushed the weight of hair from off her brow
Were roughened with the water jars, and knew
The feel of sunlight and the form of bread...
No, not true to think that then her feet
Were visibly upon the serpent's head,
And stars ringed visibly about her brow.
Except for gentleness and modesty,
The grace she held in fullness, was as grace
We hold, a silent gift, unknown, if knowing
Be the shattering of earthly molds,
And loosing of the need for watchfulness...
,,,All her days
Were labor and vigilance. And peace
That made its quietness in her was peace
God gave, since she had made a place for it
By tired hands and a heart that did not tire.
How beautiful is this?!? Again and again I read the book, going back to my favorite parts, her gentle, silent sweetness filling my soul and making me yearn to live more deeply like she did.
These two things (the movie and the book), continue to have an impact on me to this day, and my desire to be like her has grown in new ways when I entered into the vocation of wife, and now mother. How beautiful to have her as a model and companion!
I am forever grateful and blessed that God led me to find my little Marian niche of devotion to her, as Our Lady, Mary of Nazareth.
Please comment below what your favorite devotion/connection to Mary is!
Link to movie: https://ignatius.com/mary-of-nazareth-monam/
Link to book: https://a.co/d/5VwNKiC
Kommentare